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diary of a wannabe princess
...after the rain goes, there are rainbows...
my thoughts 
7th-Apr-2015 09:08 pmnone

it's obvious
apparent and clear
the truest thing I know
right now

simple things
letters maybe
you barely give me
the things that are free
I have to know
for sure
and for final

19th-Feb-2012 11:22 pmnone
drunk alone again
and you wonder how did you get here
and do you like it
and when will you not be alone

I thought lightly
some worry
mostly softer things
like when will I be tired
and is anyone thinking of me
maybe these things aren't soft at all

these days it's all empty
like I haven't done a thing
and one or two month from now
everyone will be looking at me
like, "so where is the world?"
and my answer might be short
but I hope it's not

I find laze on these nights
spend hours unproductive
avoiding all the things
I have to write and read and plan
because ignoring is so much simpler
and it hurts to try
to try to be more than you are
and wonder if it might be for nothing
and listen to your roommate in the next room
kissing and cuddling
with a man who believes in jesus
and wishing you wanted that too

drunk alone again
and not even texting
can save you
7th-Feb-2010 07:55 amnone
[[why I do I move on so quickly?
not that I tire easily...
or maybe I do.
just feels like
I experience..and I'm done.
motion is the air I breath.
I do not know how to "settle down"
I cannot exist stagnantly.

but I guess I'll stay a little longer.
perhaps more preparation for my next adventure]]

it's happening.
sometimes I try to fight the momentum inside me
it just ends badly

I'm leaving
changing rooms
I don't want to do this anymore
8th-Jan-2010 10:33 pmnone
I cried.

I haven't heard her cry like that
since the first letter from chad.
when we were single.
just us.
and all she wanted was freedom
but her heart couldn't deny the love.
it's the most heartbreaking sound.

16th-Jun-2009 02:06 amnone
back together?
I guess so.
for now.

leaving in august.
quite anxious at this point.
especially since getting fired...
but I won't go into that.

my birthday was two days ago.
I've never felt like less of a person
than I did the day I turned 19.
I'll spend the next year
hoping I'll feel whole at 20.

so that's my life at the moment.
just one slow motion movement.
but I feel like the second I leave
it'll start going faster than I want it to.
4th-May-2009 02:06 amnone
it is definitely 2 am
and I am definitely sitting here
wondering what I am doing
what I will do
what I should do
and why

the completely awesome thing?
I am no one's fool.
I am in post relationship feminist mode.
not even that timeless smile
can break me.
if anything, it fuels my fire.
keep flirting
as if I'll fall at every word.
you will have none of me.

I am angry.
so odd.
I broke it off..
yet I'm the scorned one.

I just want all of us
to get what we deserve.
17th-Apr-2009 09:36 pmnone
this can't happen soon enough.

and it's so not even about the boy.
never was.

but he is a plus.
and just the simple fact that I'll be gone from here
is the biggest plus.

how crazy is it..
there once was a time
when I was this excited to be leaving florida.

idk what's wrong with me
but I intend for everything to come full circle
when I find home again.

and the last person to know
will blame himself..
and maybe he should.
15th-Apr-2009 10:43 pmnone
I never thought I'd say this but
I'm going back to florida.

and I'm thrilled.
17th-Mar-2009 07:23 pmnone
job #8:
the boatyard grill.

the bees is a joke.
I hate having high expectations.
breaks my heart when these things don't work out.
more than it should probably.
it's just a job

but kay is good.
I had sterling sales training today at the ramada.
very professional.
though sneaky, I enjoy the challenge.
ethics can take a backseat to the rush of a big sale.
convincing a person to drop thousands on a little shiny rock
is thrilling.

enrolling in tc3 soon.
oh boy :/
15th-Mar-2009 12:20 amnone
things with dana are better.
idk why.
not much better
but slightly is better than nothing.

no cortland.
and binghamton was never an option anyway.
mostly I'm made that I wasted so much money
on applications.
next time around
itll be maine.

I think I'll start planning a trip
for over the summer.
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